VICHEKESHO VIKALI KABISA LEO KUTOKA FACEBOOK



Boy: are you on whatsapp?
Girl: no
Boy: are you on twitter?
Girl: no
Boy: are you on facebook?
Girl: no
Boy: uko wapi???
Girl: niko M-pesa

********

 Haruc ishapita mwezi, Bwana na bb haruc wakawa wanataka kupata mtoto lakini hawajui tendo gani wafanye ili mimba itokee wakaenda kwa dokta!.

Dokta akawapa picha waangalie,
Wakadai hawaelewi akawapa Video zenye shughuli hiyo 'live' bado hawakuelewa...

Dokta akamaindi akawaita ofisini kwake akaanza kumshughulikia mke wa jamaa mbele yake ili jamaa aone kinachofanyika!.

Alipomaliza wakati anavaa na mke wa jamaa yuko hoi

Dokta: Umeona sasa kazi inayotakiwa kufanywa?

Jamaa "Mume": Dah!! Asante sana pole kwa kazi ngumu dokta... sasa niwe namleta mara ngapi kwa wiki?

**********

Jamaa anarud toka kazini ile kufika kwake kabla hajagonga mlango akamsikia mkewe akilalamika "shemeji mi nimechoka bwana yaani umenipiga bao la tatu mi cjapata hata moja 2ache kwanza 2taendelea baadae" mara akasikia saut ya kiume ikisema "Vumilia 2malizie hili game la mwisho" Mara akasikia sauti ya kiume ikisema "SHEMEJI NAOMBA MAVI"Mshikaj akashindwa kuvumilia akaingia kwa nguvu na mlango puu! ndani akaona mkewe na mdogo wake wamekaa na wanacheza karata'

******


Mfugaji mmoja alikwenda kwa mfugaji mwenzake (ambae pia ni bwana mifugo wa eneo lao) asubuhi moja. Alipobisha hodi mtoto wa kiume wa umri upatao miaka 12 akamfungulia mlango. Mazungumzo yafuatayo yakafuatia:

Mkulima: Baba yako yupo?

Mtoto: Hapana Mzee, amekwenda mjini.

Mkulima: Mama yako?

Mtoto: Nae kaenda mjini na baba.

Mkulima: Kaka yako Howard yupo?

Mtoto: Nae hayupo, wote yeye, baba na mama wamekwenda mjini. Kwani una shida gani? Kama kuna kitu unahitaji niambie maana nimeachiwa funguo na najua vifaa vinapowekwa.
Mzee akawaza kidogo halafu akasema: Kwa kweli nilitaka kuongea na baba, mama au kaka yako kwa kuwa kaka yako amempa mimba binti yangu.

Mtoto akafikiria kidogo halafu akasema: Kusema ukweli itabidi umsubirie baba, ila kwa kukusaidia ni kuwa baba hulipisha shilingi laki moja kwa kupandisha dume la ng'ombe na elfu hamsini kwa beberu. Ila sijui baba hutoza shilingi ngapi kwa Howard akifanikiwa kutia mimba.

*****
 amaa alienda Bar na mke wake wa ndoa wakakaa kwenye viti, wakati wanasubiri vinywaji akapita binti mmoja anayejiuza akamsogelea yule mke wa jamaa akamnong'oneza:- "AKULIPE KABISA KABLA HUJALALA NAYE, NI MGUMU KULIPA HUYOO!!.
HALAFU HUWA HATUMII KONDOMU..."

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